willtheman444

sing out

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 18:29:12 GMT

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
cause theres a million things to be
You know that there are

And if you want to live high, live high
And if you want to live low, live low
cause theres a million ways to go
You know that there are

You can do what you want
The opportunitys on
And if you can find a new way
You can do it today
You can make it all true
And you can make it undo
You see ah ah ah
Its easy ah ah ah
You only need to know

Well if you want to say yes, say yes
And if you want to say no, say no
cause theres a million ways to go
You know that there are

And if you want to be me, be me
And if you want to be you, be you
cause theres a million things to do
You know that there are

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
cause theres a million things to be
You know that there are

good day to apologize

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 03:42:35 GMT

some time it's just to late to say your sorry and apologize so why not do it today be for the new years comes.....

robert frost on live love and the end of it all

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 22:43:07 GMT

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

When i was studying theology i had to learn the 5 stages of grief. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. People often cycle back over stages more then once. the last stage acceptance gives people closer. know that help people move on.

Acceptance

When the spent sun throws up its rays on cloud
And goes down burning into the gulf below,
No voice in nature is heard to cry aloud
At what has happened. Birds, at least must know
It is the change to darkness in the sky.
Murmuring something quiet in her breast,
One bird begins to close a faded eye;
Or overtaken too far from his nest,
Hurrying low above the grove, some waif
Swoops just in time to his remembered tree.
At most he thinks or twitters softly, 'Safe!
Now let the night be dark for all of me.
Let the night bee too dark for me to see
Into the future. Let what will be, be.'

I am so pissed at my self.

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 08:59:32 GMT

I feel like I'll never find that right guy. that I've blown it and a complete failure.

library computer lab

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 19:40:09 GMT

so here i am sitting it the computer lab and he will not even talk to me. i have truly lost a good friend and i do not know how to make things right. there isn't any thing i can say or do at this point to make up for all the fights that we have had. and the thing that gets me is that i can forgive him for all most any thing and i have for given him for lots of dum shit but he will not even look at me.

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 06:01:43 GMT

once again i am moving. a friend is going to look after seven for me. life just suck right now. Plus i think i lost a good friend

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:00:28 GMT

Last night we watched Charlie Burton, My Own Private Idaho, Elisabeth town. Although the night started out rocky I feel much better about everything. I think river phoenix side it best,

Scott Favor:I only have sex with a guy for money.... and two guys can't love each other.
Mike Waters: I love you, and you don't pay me.

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 18:09:29 GMT

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it
Because they’d stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think that I’d understand
how it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
cause I know how it hurts
when you loose the one you wanted
cause he’s taken you for granted
and everything you had got destroyed!
If I were a boy

I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone that its broken
so they think
that I was sleeping alone
I’d put myself first
and make the rules as I go
cause I know that she’ll be faithful
waiting for me to come home ( to come home)

If I were a boy
I think that I could understand
how it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
when you loose the one you wanted
cause he’s taken you for granted
and everything you had got destroyed!

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But your just a boy
You don’t understand (and you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you’ll wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you taken her for granted
And everything that you had got destroyed
But your just a boy…

My Type the christan roughneck where are you?

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 17:36:46 GMT

So i was thinking about the type of guys I fall for and came up with this list.

WHAT I WANT
Christan (not fake)
Cares about me and and keep me closes to his hart
Have a lot to talk about and share some of the same hobby's
Talks openly about his feeling and what is going on in our relationship

WHAT I GET (past two years)
Roughneck
Bi (wants both worlds)
Been hurt by some one in the past and need time to get closer
Unstable living situation
Cares a lot about money and have the best things in live
problems keeping a job

Not that I can't take the good with the bad but I need some of the good.

I am a dum ass

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 05:30:17 GMT

once again I feel like I have fucked up yet another relationship be for it started. I should get paid for the how to loose a guy in ten days bull shit move. It's my life story. How do you give a guy space and at the same time let him know that you care about him. I just don't get it I truly must have aspergers. Aspergers is neurodevelopmental disorder that is characterized by difficulties in social interaction and restricted, stereotyped patterns of behavior and interests, without general delay in language or cognitive development. IE It stop people from being able to understand and handle social situations like friendships dating etc..

So here i am again stuck on stupid. logic says there should be a way to make this work yet I can't come up with a solution for this problem. I always felt that communication could solve all conflicts. Yet i believe i have made things worse by trying to resolve the problem. may be i am the problem......

Accidentally in love - Counting Crows

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 05:46:54 GMT

OK i now what you going to say it's to soon to fall in love but i can't help that.

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 17:40:40 GMT

this is the car i am saving up for it so sweet :)

so there's this new guy named josh

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 17:20:46 GMT

I like him and i think he likes me where going to take things slow and see where they go. the other guy tony well i think he likes josh but i can't tell. josh say's there just friends. oh and when josh sang a love song tony asked if he was singing to me. so maybe josh talked to tony about me. I do not know right now i just trying to be happy and not let my self get to fair a head of my self.

Flags:
I do not have his phone number (he said it was not working and I did not ask about a house phone).
He said he thinks he's bi and may be coming out of the closet.
He has never been on a date with a guy. (I do not think i want to be the first one to ask him out he should ask me).
He has massed around with guy be for. (I am not looking for sex i can get that any where!!!)
He lives with his grand mother.(said his last two apartments flooded out. and now he looking for a new one).

NOW the good stuff
He asked me when i was going out next and ask if he could just drop buy when I did not know for sure.
He said my apartment number over and over so he would remember it.
He said he could fix my bed room closet door (so he want to be around and be the handy man type).
We like the same obscurer movies.
We both like camping but did not make planes to go! (that would be way to soon and show he was needy)
He likes my cat.

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 21:12:31 GMT

Due South
I started watching an old favorite TV show of mine called “Due South” it’s about an Canadian mountie who comes to Chicago to find his fathers killer. The part of the show that I love is Constable Benton Fraser. Why can’t I find a guy like that hones to a fault. never lies and would spend all day walking little old ladies a cross the street. ahhhh what a guy!!!

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 03:15:16 GMT

Sorry once again it’s has been a long time with out any kind of update. I was in a vary vary bad mood and I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel

I have a job interview with cites at U of I.

This Sunday my old church had is 25th annual tri city service. It was great I got to see a lot of friends who I haven’t seen in 8 years or more.

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 18:26:52 GMT

I am back!!!

Sorry it’s been so long sense I have posted any thing so I’ll give you a quick up date. The room mate has pissed me off for hopefully the last time last night he started too say “ do not take this as raciest but” that’s win I told him to stop. If you have to preface your statement like that then you should not say it and I do not want to hear it. For the next hour he tried to make me hear him out. I told him I did not want to have this conversation. And I with drew from the conversation he then when on to say I was impeding his freedom of speech. And if I did not hear him out he would move out and back in with his dad. I in turn told him to go!!!! This is the second time he has tried to use the fact that he could move out to get his way.

The rest of the night he spent trying to apologize not for any thing he said but for his timing.

One I am a vary easy going guy and I let a lot of things slide that I shouldn’t. I have in the passed let people use nigger and fagot in front of me and not made a big deal about it. And yes there are double standers about who can say what. A I know for the most part that the people I hang around aren’t going to KKK meetings. But when you feel the need to say do not take this the wrong way, I do not mean this as raciest or any thing like that. Stop and think may be I shouldn’t say it at all.

Thu, 08 May 2008 01:28:10 GMT

So the young women that I made the payment agreement with is no longer with CPM. And the new guy tried to give me a five day notice. He said he’ll look in to it and get back to me tomorrow. So I do not know what to do if he will not give me the time I need to make payments. When I asked him why this is the 3rd account manager in less then a year, he mad a joke about the tenets running them off. Not funny!!!

Will I lose my dignity
will someone care
will i wake tomorrow
from this nightmare

Mon, 05 May 2008 22:41:59 GMT

I think my roommate lied to me, I asked him not to do coke in the apartment and then I found a rolled up dollar bill. It could be nothing one of his friends could have dropped it out of their pocket. When he woke my up he said he had to go see his dad to help him move when he got back. He didn’t want to go give blood. That I understand but he did not tell me his reason right away. And then he was out the door again this time to see his dad and go to the bank. If he were just with his dad why would he have to run back and talk to him? Fact is he left his car here which means he when over his friends house to keep partying. So may be he didn’t coke in the apt by he did lie about where he was going. Matt was right he’s a great guy. But he lets his friends walk over him. Make him feel bad about cutting out of a poker game when he finely ahead and playing with rent money. Tare down the plastic windows in his car that toke us 3 hours to pull up right be for it rained. I feel bad that he stills feels he can tell me the truth. I am a vary forgiving person but when I stop trusting some one it’s hard for me to start again. He hangs out with jerks that do to many drugs and go crazy. I do not feel comfortable around all of his friends I appreciate the fact that he what me to feel accepted but I going to start putting my foot down when he changes plan’s that we made to go hang out with his friends and get high. I think I just need a time out.

So Sunday where suppose to pick up my cat and watch movies. once again Instead he called me from so girls cell phone asking if I had any money. He just got paid Friday how do you burn a weeks pay in under 72 hours with out paying bills of buying any thing. To top that he said he would call me and let me know what is going on. That was 10:30 pm Sunday night, here it is Monday night and not a word. Joe who is watching my cat wants to know when I’ll pick him up. I been trying to do for a week now but can’t get a ride out that way and every time rob said he can he turns around and fuck me by not showing up. This is way to much stress for me.

Warning !!!!!

I am in a bad mood I will bite your head off for no good reason. So if I tell you I do not want to talk about it or I want to be alone and you push it’s your own fault. You have been warned!!!!

Fri, 02 May 2008 17:38:58 GMT

So I just got back from an interview. 2/3 of the interview was about how I deal with stress. One of the guys that work there apparently locks him self in the office and screams his head off. I do not think I could deal with that kind of stress.

Ok first off Erath quake (5.2)!!!!!

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 11:41:08 GMT

So today I ran in to rob and I asked him if he still wanted to be roommates. He said yes and that he had to work Tuesday, to make up hours for a weekend he had planed with a friend of ours. I think I wanted to believe him more then any thing. But when he said he would call me when he got off work and didn’t. I started thinking back he could have call and said he was sorry at any point in time but he didn’t. Why would he do that, am I that hard to talk to I gave him any out to day when I saw him he could have just said he changed his mind.

Ok first off Erath quake (5.2)!!!!!

Ok when out drinking some where around 1:30 rob call and we talked he does want to move in and said he may have room for me to go camping. Said he may have a 2 man tent for us so we’ll see.
I feel beater about the every thing talking is important.

i think i should go if he does have the room we need to spend more time together if we are going to be roommates

i feel you man i feel you

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 05:46:35 GMT

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 21:39:44 GMT

So as some of you may know I had my second job interview. I don’t know how I feel about it I don’t think there going to call me in for the third and last interview and even if they did I don’t feel like this is the job for me. Maybe I am just saying that so I will not hurt if I am rejected. Who really wants to be told that there not good enough or smart enough how want that.
I know I don’t so maybe if I stop trying to do or be any thing I’ll never have to be rejected again. I’ll just be me; does not sound like much of a life though

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 10:04:01 GMT

I don't want to be 60 years old some day and seemingly happily married to some man that I know is my second choice. Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with and love shouldn't be one of them.

maybe i am afraid of putting my self out there and being hurt maybe i am afraid i missed my chance for a true happy ever after.

but there's only one way i know of to find out

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 06:46:14 GMT

So I keep having this dream where I am at prom only the room is full of friends from church. Iam standing in to middle of the room when this guy walks up to me. I can’t make out the guys face. It keeps morphing like that Michel Jackson video “am I black or white”. As we dance my hart starts to skip a beat or two and then I see finely who he is…

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 02:26:03 GMT

I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed, to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never set foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I'd survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone